I am not looking for sympathy or kindness. I want someone who will treat me roughly. It's what I deserve. Everyone around me seems to be getting married... it feels like society expects this from people my age. I've dated nothing but jerks in the past, and they always mistreated me. There was something missing. Finally, I met a guy who seemed perfect - he was sweet, honest, and willing to do anything for me. He felt like the stable boyfriend I had been searching for all along. But as soon as we started dating, I realized that there wasn't enough excitement. Something about him made me feel uncomfortable. I tried to convince myself that this would work, but deep down, I knew it wouldn't. One day, my ex-boyfriend, who is a total jerk, called me out of nowhere. Despite knowing his intentions were just to use me for sex, I went anyway. Maybe part of me still hoped he could give me the affection I craved. But instead of making love, he treated me like an object, using my body without any care for my feelings. My brother's friend, who is also a player, took advantage of me while I was sleeping next to him. It felt wrong on so many levels - how could someone so close to me behave in such a way? As if things couldn't get worse, I ended up cheating on my current boyfriend with a colleague at work. We engaged in various sexual acts behind closed doors, including blowjobs and threesomes. In retrospect, maybe being treated poorly by these men was exactly what I needed after all. It filled the void left by my previous relationships. However, I can't help but wonder if there's more to life than this constant cycle of hurt and pleasure.
